If our kids fail at life, we feel as if we have failed in some way, and we suffer tremendously. By taking things personally, we mess up our own equilibrium and theirs. When they don't, we are insulted and resentful. The reason for this reaction? Our overidentification with the role of parent and savior makes us feel that our kids should succumb to our power and influence. When we watch our children make life choices that feel horrific to us or are in dire polarity to what we think is best for them, we become highly triggered. It resurfaces only when we observe our children behaving in a manner that's drastically opposed to our own ways. Our savior complex is buried deep beneath our subconscious and isn't readily apparent. You had them to fulfill your own self-focused purposes. And having kids was not an act of selflessness. They arrived here through biological cause and effect. Here are two fundamental truths you need to absolutely accept right away to enter a greater state of clarity: You didn't "create" your kids. Then, when they don't call us on our birthdays, don't return our texts on time, or make life choices contrary to our agendas, we lose our minds. As their creators, we think it is our job and right to dictate to them and influence their lives. We unconsciously embody a savior complex that says that because we bestowed on our kids the selfless favor of raising them, they should now treat us as if we were indeed, their masters. So filled are we with this air of largesse that we imagine we should win a prize for selflessness for having had our children. We act as if we are doing our kids a favor by raising them and that they should be eternally grateful to us for having taken care of them - as if we were their saviors and creators. In fact, we act as if the opposite were true. The reason is that on a subconscious level, we don't act as if this were an obvious fact. It was our choice to become parents.Īs you read this, you may wonder why I would think it imperative to state something so obvious. Here are some vital facts for you to remember: Our children did not make us parents. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders.
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